Scars are Prerequisites for New Flesh,

Prologue: For Records That Don't Evaporate

This is essentially my first post on this blog. I love reading books and want to share my thoughts, but it's often difficult to do so. Without writing them down like this, I feel the contents of books quickly evaporate. So I've decided to write reviews of books that have deeply touched my heart. The first one is "Wizard Bakery."

I started reading books when life became difficult. And fortunately, I was able to meet people with whom I could share these books. The deeper you read a book, the more you inevitably encounter yourself within it. So when you talk about books, you can't help but reveal yourself, even unintentionally.

Connection: To Someone With a Similar "Rough Grain"

There's someone I became close to through a book club. Someone I feel comfortable revealing myself to without shame. Though we've lived different lives, someone with a similar rough grain told me, "If it's you, teacher, you'll be able to understand the deep meaning of this book." That's how I came to read it. They said there's a revised edition, but the original is more intense, so I sought out and read the original. After finishing it, I think I should read the revised edition too.

Plot: The Chilling Truth Behind a Magical Bakery

A sixteen-year-old boy who stutters lives with his remarried father, stepmother, and stepsister after his mother's passing. Struggling with conflicts with his stepmother, Ms. Bae, the boy is falsely accused of sexually harassing his stepsister Mu-hee and runs away from home. He takes refuge in "Wizard Bakery," a place he often visited for meals. What the boy who rushed into this familiar bakery encounters is an astonishing magical world. What he thought was an ordinary bakery turns out to be a wizard's bakery that makes special bread to grant people's wishes. Staying at Wizard Bakery, the boy witnesses people's behavior as they try to wield magical power at will according to their desires. He receives stern advice from the wizard manager who makes the bread and his assistant, a bluebird, and sometimes receives comfort he never felt from his family. However, as police investigation into Wizard Bakery begins, the time to return to reality approaches...

Though I heard it was a young adult novel, it's far from the ordinary story of adolescents we typically imagine. That made it more intriguing. While defined by the word "adolescent," beneath the surface (though it's a very unusual case), it's definitely a story that could exist somewhere.

The Violence of Average

We too easily define "average." Things like "adolescents should be this way" or "this is inappropriate expression." In this process, the sharp edges and unique colors of adolescents are easily read as wrong rather than different. The lives of adolescents, who should grow up while wavering intensely, are judged merely for the convenience of adults.

The protagonist "I" in this book lives a rough life. He stutters, is falsely accused of sexual harassment, his mother ended her life by suicide, and the stepmother he meets judges her own daughter and judges "me" in the same way. But these outward misfortunes aren't "my" greatest misfortune. "My" greatest misfortune is the absence of someone who embraces me as I am.

My father has no interest in me. He has no affection for my existence. What about my biological mother who committed suicide? Sadly, "I" remember the warmth of the bread she gave me more than the coldness of her abandonment. Needless to say, my stepmother openly shows jealousy toward me and treats me like a tool. Perhaps running away after that incident was something that had to happen eventually.

The Manager's Philosophy

The "Wizard Bakery" I rushed into hides me and helps me without asking any questions. After a childhood lived through others, during adolescence—the period of storm and stress—I become confused by all those standards. When I wander, not knowing who I am or why I live this way, I long for someone who will warmly embrace me without judgment. The manager was such a person. Someone who embraces my pain without interrogation or questioning.

But what I loved about this book was precisely the manager's attitude, or philosophy. He never gives easy solutions. Even while selling magical bread that can change people's lives, he makes them take responsibility for the consequences when the world becomes distorted and produces unwanted results. Not an adult who helps with everything, but an adult who says you must be able to take responsibility for your choices.

For such an adult, I give my dream to the nightmare demon and see terrible scenes I didn't want to see. That too is part of becoming an adult. I must face my past fully, not avoid it. From there, I can live an authentic life untouched by anyone's intervention. Thus, my voice emerges in the dream, and though I get beaten, I never cover my face or resist. And because of this, after waking from the dream and being scolded by the manager, the manager—unlike the adults who left me—approaches me, and "I" cry profusely, having found a place to lean on.

Scars are prerequisites for new flesh. p.157

As the tension of the moment released, unexpected tears suddenly leaked out on their own. When the school teacher, or Ms. Bae, did the same thing to me, had I ever felt this emotion? Avoidance or anger, resentment or cynicism—my heart was filled with such things, with no room for feelings like this. The pain that comes from knowing someone truly cares about me. p.162

Scars and Flesh: New Flesh That Emerges Only After Facing the Past

Adolescence is the period between childhood when you couldn't decide anything and adulthood when you can make all decisions yourself. This period exists between a grown body and mind, and the inability to take full responsibility for everything. But ultimately, to become a complete adult, you must face your childhood and take your own steps forward.

I wonder if my childhood would have been less turbulent if I'd had an adult who embraced all my wavering while firmly telling me I must find the strength to stand on my own. During that period stuck between being not yet an adult and no longer a child, such adult support is definitely needed. Though the manager struck the child, the comfort received from him is enormous.

That's why this book is precious. Some might dismiss this book, finding its expressions uncomfortable. But this book isn't simply about such cruelty. Though cruel, there's firm support felt within it, and warmth. For wavering adolescents who can feel this essence, this book will be a stronger comfort than any sweet words.

And this book can also be a comfort to adults who spent their childhood wavering without finding themselves. It's a book that says you must properly face the reality you only wanted to avoid, and that can comfort you about those times that weren't entirely your fault. Whether case Y or case N, "I" came to live a life different from before. And it seems to comfort by saying that the painful times can serve as foundation for "my" life ahead in some way.

Above all, why can't human emotions dissolve and disappear like salt touched by hot water? When to some people, they're worth less than a can of tuna. Then I suddenly realize that salt merely dissolves but doesn't disappear. Without some force and separation, it stays there always and forever. p. 185

Cold on the surface but steadfast in staying by your side. I want to read and discuss this with my children when they reach puberty.

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